A love letter
(Sharing a beautiful article from Ms. Gigi Sy)
There are so many things to say and there’s this desire to do things with you. With so much passion I long for that day to come; that I may be able to tell you how I feel, what I think, to share with you my happiness and to cry on your shoulder when I’m blue…without holding back any emotion, with no inhibitions and strain.
I begin the day feeling anxious…are you going to call; do I wait? Or do I just let the day go by, not questioning…and just linger in silence not knowing when to see you again. I’m torn between carrying on with this excruciating feeling of pain and letting go of this thrilling fervour; the quite happiness and be crazy in love with you in the most covert way. These are unspoken truths. Undeniably, I love you. No man can take that feeling away from me. No matter the consequences, it is mine.
From the time we met, I never stopped thinking of you. You were this sweet “brother” I know who talked sense. You befriend anyone you meet. You talk with enthusiasm and wit; a brilliant storyteller with exciting tales of adventure, dreams, ambition, love and fear. You possess a refreshing laugh that brightens the room. Your presence just takes my breath away. No one has ever had such an effect on me. More than anything, you are a man I admire. Love just comes second.
Our conversation led us to the inception of this eternal splendour. Commonalities were laid down on the table and little did we know that we are so much alike. I thought to myself, “Oh God what have I done? Did I talk too much? Did I say the wrong things? But I was just being myself. Is it so bad?” Then I said “Maybe he is just being friendly. Or he’s just fond of my being so vigorous and tacky.” Who would have thought we’d fall? I knew the second I stepped in the car, you’d be important.
Friendship has blossomed and valued. We became closer as days go by. Our exchange of thoughts became the highlight of my day. That thing in the car was just a prelude of the wonderful things that came next. Our interest in politics brought curious minds in sync. Our love for books led us to discover the limitless probability of discovery. Movies took us to the echelon of our dreams and foresights of who we want to be. The scenery of the countryside takes us to an ancient time where everything is clear-cut and unpretentious. The scent of nature carries our soul to a rustic vista of unending ecstasy. Our mind travels with the wind taking us to rivers and oceans of dreams. Both our visions of the past and the future gave us hope to look forward to a beautiful tomorrow, a promise of an undertaking and a blissful forthcoming. Idealistically speaking, given the circumstances above, I can say perfection is yet to come.
Then Love happened…in the most unexpected condition. Was it an accident? Did we mean for it to flourish? We knew from the very beginning that a romantic liaison would never be favourable. Love in itself is never wrong; and the universe is completely unanimous in our advocate. But while we dissect every component, we see false. A segment of which tells us how this passionate feeling can be very exciting yet rebellious. A chunk of which creates a perfect world for two souls madly in love, compromising, understanding, forgiving; seeing through imperfection amidst the chaos…seeing light. Yet apart from being dreamy and idealistic, we begin to ask ourselves, are we in the right path? A fragment of thought would also say, while everything feels right, still it cannot be true.
We savour every moment spent. We created a world where every torment is sweetened by words of encouragement, a tender touch, by an apology and a smile. I ask you now, can these suffice? I make all things easy, pretty and well-orchestrated. Did you ever consider that all of which are make believe? See, I am a great pretender. I cry every night thinking how to get out of this saga of pain; of not having someone to go home to, not having someone to hold hands with, not having someone I can call my own.
I am also like all other women who wish things for herself; a perfect teenage life - sweet sixteen, to experience heartache and to break hearts, to dance with my boyfriend on my debut. Womanhood - a fulfilling career, to be in perfect shape, to make a difference by being of service to others; acquiring happiness through friends and family. I also dream of a husband who’s head over heels in love with me, who will take me to dinners and movies, who’d give me flowers and take me out on dates for ice cream, someone to grow old with and be ugly together; just that.
I want to tell the whole world how much I love you. Turns out, I can only tell a few./